What if Life Happens For You?

I was leading a retreat in Nerja last New Year, a beautiful resort in southern Spain which is surrounded by the sea, and mountains. Our retreat villa had a lovely pool and garden, the warm sun shone on us. And I realised all of this was being given to us. How did we find that beautiful place? We were attracting it. We did not find it, it found us.  It felt like a gift. It felt that we were in the right place in the right moment.

Yet Nerja is not perfect, as many things in life are not “perfect”; like relationships, career, finances, but they have been given to you. The house you live in may not be perfect. The car you’re driving may not be perfect, but it’s been given to you.

And your problems have been given to you.

Now I am sure you’d rather not have problems, but the wisdom is like this: they happen for you. They are not happening to you. I love that wisdom, it is so simple, yet so profound. So if you say, “I’ve got a  problem”, what if you can say instead that the problem is arising for you? Think this way and the ‘problem’ dissolves; the situation becomes something you can learn from.

As  human beings, we  tend to view events as “that’s good, that’s not good”. “That’s fantastic, that’s not so fantastic” and so forth. When you can see the whole situation is actually happening for you, suddenly the whole scenario opens up. There’s a paradigm shift in your perception on life. Life becomes kind, not harsh. You just changed one word.

Amazing

So the next question becomes ‘Why?’ or ‘What is it for?’ As you reflect on this,  you see how the wisdom and the beauty of life unfolds. Life continues to unfold for you. Everything that happens to you, is for you. Isn’t it beautiful?  

What if your relationship is challenging, or your career not progressing as you’d like, or your health not so good? When your world view is that life’s not fair, that you were unfairly treated or betrayed, then you are still believing that it happened to you. What if that divorce happened for you, not forced upon you? Your bitterness disappears. Opportunities open.

Whatever happens in my life, another philosophy I adopt is that it is all for my highest good.  When you’re in despair, when life seems unfair, when you want to run away, or shout at someone, try to remember that what is happening is ultimately for your highest good. And in these collectively difficult times, what if it all that has happened is for you, us, mankind?

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A spiritual friend has a debilitating disease. She would rather not have it. I wouldn’t want to have it. She said that because of the illness, she came to awake, to know God, to love again. She could have been bitter about it, but it became one of her best teachers. Of course, it doesn’t mean she hasn’t faced dark times. This is not about trying to put on a brave face and smiling about it. We’ve all been to the darkness, and faced our fear. Where does the strength come from to face it?  In Truth, your weakness is God’s strength. 

One And One Are Not Two

When we  sit with a friend who is suffering in some way, we are joining with them. When we listen to that friend, not only is their fear released, but also we learn from them too. That gives us strength.  Which leads me to something important I want to share with you. One and one are not two. When I have talked with a troubled friend, listening to their fears, we have both become stronger.  This is the spirit of human kindness. One and one is much more than two when we join with a friend. Darkness is dispelled through the conversation. A miracle happens.

When a friend talks about their fear, you notice you too have the same fear, we all do. And suddenly you’re not only listening to the other person,  both of you together are dispelling fear and darkness.

When I’m in my darkest hour or at my loneliest I can confide in a spiritual friend. Not because I’m dumping my darkness or  loneliness onto them. But because in joining, miracles happen. Both of you are being empowered by these mystical things. That is true communication. Then I’m witnessing it, I’m practising it. It’s warming, it’s uplifting. It transforms me, and them. It transforms both of you. That’s the miracle.

Suddenly you see everything happens for you. Isn’t it amazing? And if it is for your highest good, your highest good is not selfish. Your highest good and everyone’s highest good are exactly the same.

Love & Light

Jason Chan